Reclaiming Power: Tools for Overcoming Fear and Trauma
The crux of this podcast episode revolves around the profound process of transforming from a state of victimhood to one of empowerment, particularly in the context of breaking generational cycles of trauma. We delve into a poignant coaching session with a client, whom we shall refer to as Sarah, who embodies the struggles faced by many: an acute sense of fear and paranoia stemming from past abuse. The discussion elucidates the intricacies of her emotional landscape, wherein she perceives herself as prey, hunted by various societal figures and institutions. We explore powerful techniques, such as the King Kong visualization and the mirror technique, which serve to recalibrate Sarah's perception of power and allow her to confront the true source of her trauma. Ultimately, we aim to equip listeners with actionable insights that facilitate their journey towards reclaiming their own power and dismantling the mental cages imposed by their past experiences.
Links referenced in this episode:
Takeaways:
- This episode delves into the intricate process of transforming trauma into empowerment, highlighting the profound psychological techniques utilized during actual coaching sessions.
- We explore the concept of generational trauma, emphasizing the necessity of breaking the cycles that perpetuate feelings of victimhood and helplessness in individuals.
- The discussion introduces transformative visualization techniques, specifically the King Kong technique, which significantly alters one's perception of threats and fosters a sense of personal power.
- The mirror technique serves as a pivotal tool for returning the destructive energy of trauma to its source, asserting that the act of truth-telling is not punitive but restorative.
- We emphasize the significance of intentional touch and somatic practices in rewiring the nervous system, allowing individuals to reclaim their bodies and establish a sense of safety in physical interactions.
- Throughout the episode, we underscore the importance of recognizing inherited patterns of trauma and the conscious choice to abandon these detrimental legacies in order to attain personal empowerment.
The discussion traverses the intricate journey of personal transformation from trauma to empowerment, encapsulating a detailed coaching session with an anonymous client referred to as Sarah. The episode meticulously dissects the debilitating grip of generational trauma that ensnares individuals, rendering them powerless and fearful. Sarah's narrative serves as a poignant illustration of this struggle, as she grapples with profound paranoia and an overwhelming sense of being hunted by perceived threats. The dialogue delves into the psychological underpinnings of this fear, revealing how it is intricately tied to her past experiences with authority figures, particularly male ones. Through a combination of innovative visualization techniques, specifically the 'King Kong technique,' the coaches guide Sarah towards reclaiming her inherent power, allowing her to reframe her perspective on fear from one of victimhood to one of strength. This transformation is not merely theoretical but is grounded in practical steps that listeners can adopt in their own lives, fostering resilience amid the remnants of trauma.
Transcript
Welcome to why this Keeps Happening.
Speaker A:From Trauma to Transformation.
Speaker A:The podcast that helps you break free from repeating patterns and create the life you want through our five stage process.
Speaker A:We're Mark and Lynetta.
Speaker B:Before we begin, we want you to know that this episode is based on a real coaching session.
Speaker B:We've condensed it down to the key insights and breakthroughs to protect our clients complete privacy.
Speaker B:The voices you're hearing are AI generated to keep our clients fully anonymous.
Speaker B:This allows us to share real transformational moments from our coaching work.
Speaker A:So today we are diving into a session that, honestly, it really shook me.
Speaker A:Yeah, it's a deep dive.
Speaker A:We're calling Confronting the Mirror.
Speaker A:And it's all about breaking the cycle of generational trauma.
Speaker A:But, you know, not in the way people usually talk about it.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:We're not just talking through feelings here.
Speaker A:No, not at all.
Speaker A:We are talking about energetic warfare, really reclaiming power, and some incredibly intense visualization work.
Speaker B:It is a really heavy topic, but the transformation we saw is just incredible.
Speaker A:It really is.
Speaker A:So we're going to be looking at a client we'll call Sarah.
Speaker A:And Sarah's profile is something that I think, unfortunately, it resonates with way more people than we would probably like to admit.
Speaker B:Definitely.
Speaker A:She is intelligent, she's highly capable.
Speaker A:I mean, she's actually brilliant.
Speaker A:But she is completely paralyzed by this extreme visceral fear.
Speaker B:And when we say fear, we don't mean, you know, just normal everyday anxiety.
Speaker A:Right.
Speaker A:Not like, oh, I'm worried about paying the bills.
Speaker A:Although, I mean, that's there too.
Speaker A:But we are talking about deep paranoia.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker A:Sarah feels hunted.
Speaker A:She feels targeted.
Speaker A:She actually believes that specific groups like the police, political groups are out to get her.
Speaker A:She feels unsafe in her own home, unsafe in her car.
Speaker A:She feels like there is this coordinated psychological warfare campaign being waged specifically against her.
Speaker B:And that feeling of being hunted, that's really the starting point for this whole deep dive.
Speaker B:Our mission today is to explore and how we helped move Sarah from that state of frozen victimhood where she literally felt like prey to a place of actual power and safety.
Speaker B:And we're going to cover three specific tools to get there.
Speaker B:The King Kong visualization.
Speaker B:Deconstructing this concept of the devil and the mirror technique.
Speaker A:So let's.
Speaker A:Let's unpack Sarah's reality first, because to really understand the solution, you have to understand the trap she's in.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:Sarah isn't just imagining things in a vacuum.
Speaker A:There's a history here.
Speaker A:She reported a police officer in the past, and ever since then, she has this deeply ingrained belief that the system is retaliating against her.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:She mentioned that her friends have dropped away.
Speaker B:She believes there are fake accounts on social media that are mimicking her just to make her look crazy.
Speaker B:And physically, it's not just in her head.
Speaker B:She describes feeling this fear in her.
Speaker B:What she called her belly, chest, her gut.
Speaker B:It's this total somatic physical lockdown.
Speaker A:It's so intense.
Speaker A:I remember she told me in the session, she said, I feel like I'm being targeted in so many ways.
Speaker A:I feel like they're even going to my friends.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:And she sees evidence of this everywhere.
Speaker A:Every little thing is a sign.
Speaker A:A car parked on the street with missing mirrors.
Speaker A:To her, that's a threat.
Speaker A:That's a surveillance vehicle.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:Or a guy just standing on a patio.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:A guy on a patio is a sentry.
Speaker A:She lives in a world where literally everything is a signal of imminent danger.
Speaker B:What's really fascinating here is the pattern of projection.
Speaker B:And, you know, I don't use that word lightly.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Sarah actually admits that she imbues evil into others.
Speaker B:She sees her grandfather's cruelty and her father's cruelty in every single authority figure she encounters.
Speaker A:Every single one.
Speaker B:Whether it's a cop, a politician, or.
Speaker B:I think she even mentioned dairy farmers.
Speaker A:She did.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:She projects this absolute, irredeemable evil onto entire industries.
Speaker A:And that right there, that is the key connection.
Speaker A:Her grandfather and her father were both described as evil.
Speaker A:Her grandfather specifically told her when she was just a little girl that he was, quote, with the devil.
Speaker A:So she has this foundational childhood belief that evil isn't just bad human behavior.
Speaker A:It's a supernatural force.
Speaker A:And it's hunting her.
Speaker B:Exactly.
Speaker B:And if you believe you were being hunted by the devil itself, of course you feel small.
Speaker B:Of course you feel completely powerless.
Speaker B:And that brings us to the first major breakthrough of the session.
Speaker B:How do you actually change that dynamic?
Speaker B:How do you stop feeling like prey?
Speaker A:Well, we use something called the King Kong technique.
Speaker A:Now, I know it sounds a little funny, you know, King Kong.
Speaker A:But the psychological impact is serious.
Speaker A:We had to fundamentally change the scale of the threat in her mind.
Speaker B:Because this connects to the bigger picture of how trauma affects our perception of size.
Speaker A:Right, Right.
Speaker B:Trauma makes us feel tiny.
Speaker B:It regresses us to feeling like helpless children, While the threat feels massive, Like a giant looming over us.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:So I asked Sarah to visualize herself differently.
Speaker A:I said, picture yourself King Kong sized.
Speaker A:You are a massive giant.
Speaker A:And then I had her visualize the threat.
Speaker A:That specific cop she's so terrified of or her abuser as a tiny, puny little ant on the ground.
Speaker B:And this isn't just about, like, trying to feel big or puffing your chest.
Speaker B:It's about a total shift in perspective.
Speaker B:When you are a giant looking down at an anti.
Speaker B:Do you fear the ant?
Speaker A:No.
Speaker A:You don't fear it at all.
Speaker A:I told her, look down at him.
Speaker A:He's so small, you can barely even see him.
Speaker A:If you just shifted your weight forward a few inches, you'd crush him instantly.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:And I asked her to really feel that power in her body, to say to him, you are nothing to me.
Speaker B:And here is where the technique gets really interesting.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:Because it's not just about the ability to crush the threat.
Speaker B:It's about the choice not to.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:That was the absolute pivot point.
Speaker A:I said you could crush him, but by your mercy, you're gonna let him live.
Speaker B:That's incredible.
Speaker A:It puts her in the ultimate position of power.
Speaker A:She is the one granting him life.
Speaker A:He doesn't take hers.
Speaker A:She isn't running away anymore.
Speaker A:She is allowing him to exist beneath her.
Speaker B:That is such a profound shift from victimhood, because a victim has no choice.
Speaker B:A victim is just at the mercy of the predator.
Speaker B:But a giant, a.
Speaker B:A giant has all the choice in the world.
Speaker B:How did she react to that visualization?
Speaker A:In the moment, immediately, and I mean instantly, she said it felt good.
Speaker A:Her whole posture shifted.
Speaker A:She said she felt safer that fast because she realized that the cop in that visualization was just a speck of dust.
Speaker A:It completely neutralized the terror, because terror fundamentally requires the threat to be bigger than you.
Speaker B:So we change the internal scale, and the emotional reaction automatically changes.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker B:But, you know, we still had to deal with the root of this fear.
Speaker B:The real monster in the closet.
Speaker B:The devil.
Speaker A:Oh, man.
Speaker A:The devil.
Speaker A:This was a massive hurdle.
Speaker A:Sarah's grandfather used this concept to systematically terrorize her.
Speaker A:He made himself out to be this powerful agent of supernatural evil.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker A:And Sarah, even as a grown adult, was still carrying this underlying belief that evil is this external demonic force hopping around the rocks, just waiting to get her.
Speaker B:Which really raises an important question for us to unpack.
Speaker B:What is the devil really?
Speaker B:I mean, in the context of generational trauma and abuse, what function does that concept serve?
Speaker A:Well, to tackle that, we had to deconstruct it historically first.
Speaker A:I reminded her, or really I informed her that in Jewish tradition, which goes back three and a half thousand years, there is no devil.
Speaker A:There are no demons flying around.
Speaker A:That entire concept was invented much later by people.
Speaker B:It's a tool.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:It's a tool.
Speaker A:I asked her, why invent a devil?
Speaker A:To scare people?
Speaker A:And why scare people?
Speaker B:To control them.
Speaker A:To control them.
Speaker A:If I can make you absolutely terrified of an invisible monster, and then I tell you that I'm the only one who understands the monster or that I'm aligned with it, then I own you.
Speaker B:It creates a mental cage.
Speaker A:That's the exact phrase we use.
Speaker A:It's like a cattle pen.
Speaker A:It's not a physical cage made of iron.
Speaker A:It's a mental cage perfectly designed to keep Sarah submissive and terrified.
Speaker B:Because her grandfather wasn't actually out in the backyard consulting with some dark spirit.
Speaker B:No, the devil was just the unresolved filth and the darkness inside of him.
Speaker A:That is such a critical distinction.
Speaker A:He projected his own internal darkness outward, gave it a scary name and used it to excuse his horrific behavior.
Speaker B:Right, like saying, the devil made me do it, or I'm with the devil.
Speaker B:It's just the convenient way of dodging any personal responsibility for the pain you cause.
Speaker A:It's the ultimate cop out.
Speaker A:I told Sarah, look, he's a liar.
Speaker B:He.
Speaker A:He just made up a scary story to manipulate a little girl.
Speaker A:And breaking that spell was absolutely essential for her healing.
Speaker B:She needed to see him for what he really was.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:Not as some powerful warlock or dark magician, but just as a pathetic, broken liar who used a ghost story to hurt a child.
Speaker B:So, okay, we strip away the supernatural power.
Speaker B:He's just a man.
Speaker B:A very bad man, but still just a man.
Speaker B:But the pain he caused her, that's still real.
Speaker A:Very real.
Speaker B:The trauma is still physically trapped inside her body.
Speaker B:So how do we actually deal with that residual energy?
Speaker A:This is where we brought in the mirror technique.
Speaker A:And honestly, this is the absolute core of the deep dive today.
Speaker A:This is how you stop the cycle dead in its tracks.
Speaker B:Walk us through it.
Speaker B:Because I know this isn't just about imagining looking in a mirror.
Speaker B:It's much deeper.
Speaker A:No, it's very active.
Speaker A:So I had Sarah close her eyes and visualize her grandfather standing right in front of her.
Speaker B:Okay.
Speaker A:And then I had her visualize herself holding up a massive full length mirror facing directly at him.
Speaker B:So he has to look at himself.
Speaker A:He has absolutely no choice.
Speaker A:He looks in the mirror, and what does he see?
Speaker A:He sees himself.
Speaker A:But he doesn't just see his face.
Speaker A:I had Sarah energetically gather up all the memories, all the rotten, disgusting things he did to her, to the family, all the abuse, all the neglect, Even the things she doesn't explicitly have a conscious memory.
Speaker A:Of, but that her body knows happened.
Speaker A:I had her gather all that dark energy up and push it right into the reflection.
Speaker B:So he is finally seeing the actual truth of his actions.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:He sees the devil he claimed to serve, and he realizes it's actually just his own reflection.
Speaker A:He sees the pain.
Speaker A:But, and this is crucial, seeing isn't enough.
Speaker B:Right, because of the empathy issue.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:Because as Sarah pointed out during the session, this man had zero empathy.
Speaker A:She said to me, mark, he's soulless.
Speaker A:He won't care if he sees what he did.
Speaker B:And that is such a common roadblock with sociopathic or narcissistic abusers.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:We as survivors tend to think if they only understood how much they hurt me, if they could just see my tears, they'd stop.
Speaker B:But they don't have the neurological hardware to process that through empathy.
Speaker B:They just don't care.
Speaker A:They really don't.
Speaker A:So we had to bypass empathy completely.
Speaker A:And this is where we introduced the knob.
Speaker B:The knob.
Speaker B:This is fascinating.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:I told Sarah, imagine there is a dial, a knob, on the side of this mirror, and when you turn it, it forces the grandfather to physically and emotionally feel the agony he caused others.
Speaker B:Oh, wow.
Speaker A:We started slow.
Speaker A:I said, turn it to 10%.
Speaker A:Just give him a little taste.
Speaker A:Let him start to feel inside his own nervous system the sheer terror, the pain, the profound shame that he inflicted on you.
Speaker B:This is a mechanism of direct energetic return.
Speaker B:It has nothing to do with him feeling sorry for her or apologizing.
Speaker B:It's about him experiencing the unavoidable consequences of his own energetic output.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:It's cause and effect.
Speaker A:And then we turned it up.
Speaker A:I said, sarah, turn it to 100%.
Speaker A:And to help her understand how this works without empathy, I use the analogy of high voltage wires.
Speaker B:I love this analogy so much because it completely takes the emotion out of the equation.
Speaker B:It just becomes physics.
Speaker A:It is physics.
Speaker A:I said to her, look, if you grab two high voltage power lines, it doesn't matter if you're a sociopath.
Speaker A:Doesn't matter if you have no conscience or no empathy.
Speaker A:If you grab the wire, the current flows, period.
Speaker A:You cannot block it.
Speaker A:He cannot block the experience of the pain he inflicted.
Speaker A:When the circuit is completed, it bypasses his thinking mind and blasts straight into his soul.
Speaker B:Now, Sarai had a reaction to this part that is incredibly common for survivors.
Speaker B:She felt guilty.
Speaker A:She really did.
Speaker A:She hesitated.
Speaker A:She said, I feel bad doing this.
Speaker A:I feel like I'm torturing him.
Speaker B:And this right here is the trap of the empath.
Speaker B:We are so wired to feel the pain of others.
Speaker B:That we even feel bad for our abusers when they finally face justice.
Speaker A:So I had to reframe that for her immediately.
Speaker A:I said, sarah, listen to me.
Speaker A:Torture is the intentional infliction of pain for the purpose of causing harm.
Speaker A:That is not what this is.
Speaker B:That's an incredibly important distinction to make.
Speaker B:It's like a surgeon, right?
Speaker B:A surgeon cuts someone open with a scalpel, it causes tissue damage.
Speaker B:It hurts.
Speaker B:But the surgeon isn't a torturer because the intent behind the blade is correction.
Speaker B:It's healing.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker A:I told her, you aren't doing anything to him.
Speaker A:This is simply returning the energy back to its rightful owner.
Speaker A:You are just giving him the full story of his own actions.
Speaker B:He only ever experienced the power trip.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:He only experienced the fun part of the abuse.
Speaker A:The power, the control, the dominance.
Speaker A:He never had to experience the other side of the equation.
Speaker A:The victim's sheer terror.
Speaker A:The mirror technique just completes the circuit.
Speaker A:It's about cosmic balance.
Speaker A:It's not torture.
Speaker A:It is absolute truth.
Speaker B:It's giving him his inheritance.
Speaker A:That's the exact phrase we used.
Speaker A:I said, tell him this is your inheritance, granddaddy.
Speaker A:Take it all in.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:And once she realized that.
Speaker A:That she wasn't actually hurting him, she was just letting him feel what he created in the first place.
Speaker A:She's finally able to turn that knob all the way up to 100.
Speaker B:And what was the result?
Speaker B:How did the visualization shift the smug smile?
Speaker A:He had completely vanished.
Speaker A:She said he looked stoic, but you could tell he was absorbing this massive shock.
Speaker A:And the most important thing, Sarah realized he was now fully occupied.
Speaker B:Right.
Speaker B:He's busy.
Speaker A:Yeah, he is incredibly busy with his own self created hell.
Speaker A:He literally cannot hunt her anymore because he is too busy processing the megatons of pain he put out into the world.
Speaker A:The mirror became her absolute shield.
Speaker B:That is so powerful, Mark.
Speaker B:It shifts her entire energetic focus from running from the hunter to just standing her ground and holding up the shield.
Speaker B:The hunter effectively defeats himself.
Speaker A:He does.
Speaker A:And to really reinforce this concept for her, I shared a story.
Speaker A:It's a spiritual story, almost like a parable from a book I read about a hospital in the afterlife.
Speaker B:This story really drives home the point of self judgment and energetic consequences.
Speaker A:Yeah, it does.
Speaker A:So the story goes that a woman is taken on a guided tour of the afterlife, and she visits the spiritual hospital.
Speaker A:They walk into a room, and there's a man lying on a bed, and he's in terrible shape.
Speaker A:He's covered in open sores, wounds, leaking pus and he truly believes he's blind.
Speaker A:He is just writhing in agony.
Speaker B:And the visitor, of course, is horrified by this.
Speaker B:She looks at him and thinks, what?
Speaker B:Why is God punishing this poor man so severely?
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:It looks like divine torture.
Speaker A:But the spiritual guide explains to her, God isn't punishing him at all.
Speaker A:This man was a Nazi in life.
Speaker A:He tortured people.
Speaker A:He killed innocent people.
Speaker A:And when he died, his soul simply couldn't escape the reality of what he had done.
Speaker A:He created this hell for himself.
Speaker A:His rotting body is just a reflection of the pain he caused others.
Speaker B:And the detail in that story about
Speaker A:the empty bed, oh, that gives me chills every time.
Speaker A:The guide points the empty bed right next to the rotting man and says, that bed is reserved for a victim he killed.
Speaker A:She's arriving soon.
Speaker B:Wow.
Speaker A:The implication is terrifying, but deeply just.
Speaker A:He has to face his victims directly.
Speaker A:He has to lie there, suffocating in the rod of his own actions and look the people he destroyed right in the eye.
Speaker B:The lesson here for Sarah, and really for anyone listening right now who has survived abuse, is that there is absolutely no escaping the energetic balance.
Speaker A:None.
Speaker B:You don't have to punish your abuser yourself.
Speaker B:You don't need to spend your life seeking revenge.
Speaker B:The universe or their own soul's reckoning handles the balance perfectly.
Speaker B:Everyone eventually gets the fullness of their
Speaker A:actions and understanding that helps Sarah so much, it helped her release the need to be the executioner.
Speaker A:We use the word release instead of forgiveness.
Speaker A:She didn't have to forgive him.
Speaker A:She just had to release the job of punishing him.
Speaker A:She could just be the witness and say, here is your mirror.
Speaker A:Here is your truth.
Speaker A:I'm done.
Speaker B:So we've dealt with the mind through the King Kong visualization.
Speaker B:Yeah, we've dealt with the spirit and the energy through the mirror and deconstructing the devil.
Speaker B:But trauma, as we know, lives in the body.
Speaker B:And Sarah's body was still screaming.
Speaker A:It really was.
Speaker A:Even after we did all that intense visualization.
Speaker A:She admitted to me, she said, I made it through the night, but I still freeze around men.
Speaker B:The freeze response, it's that primitive biological override where you just feel completely powerless.
Speaker B:And for Sarah, this was heavily complicated by what we call touch trauma.
Speaker A:Yeah, her history with touch was heartbreaking.
Speaker A:She was heavily shamed for touch as a child.
Speaker A:She was explicitly told she couldn't touch others and she couldn't be touched.
Speaker B:So she became untouchable.
Speaker A:She described herself exactly like that.
Speaker A:Untouchable, but at the exact same time.
Speaker A:Because humans are wired for Connection.
Speaker A:She has this intense, almost paradoxical craving for it.
Speaker B:Right?
Speaker A:She told me she literally wants her flesh, quote, pulled off the bone.
Speaker B:That is such a visceral, intense description really speaks to a desperate need for deep, almost aggressive physical contact just to ground her, to prove to her nervous system that she actually exists.
Speaker A:So during the session, and remember, this is an in person coaching session that involves somatic body work.
Speaker A:I actually worked on her hip and she explicitly asked me to go deep.
Speaker A:She said, go deep to the bone.
Speaker B:And for a trauma survivor who chronically freezes around men, allowing a male practitioner to apply that level of deep physical pressure is a massive step.
Speaker A:It was huge.
Speaker A:And she noted the difference right away.
Speaker A:Usually in situations with men, she dissociates or goes into a full panic, but here she experienced profound relief.
Speaker B:Because it was safe.
Speaker A:Because it was safe and it was consensual.
Speaker A:I shared with her that for me, receiving deep touch gets me out of my head.
Speaker A:It shuts down.
Speaker A:That constant mental chatter for her touch had always been a source of terror.
Speaker A:But right then, we were actively rewriting that script.
Speaker B:But you know, you can't just rely on a coach or a practitioner for that forever.
Speaker B:You need to build the safety into your actual life.
Speaker A:Right?
Speaker B:And this is where the practical, real world advice comes in.
Speaker B:How does someone like Sarah, who inherently feels hunted by men, actually learn to be safe with men out in the world?
Speaker A:We talked about creating practice grounds, basically treating the world like a martial arts dojo.
Speaker A:I suggest that she use platforms like Massage Exchange or Cuddle Comfort.
Speaker B:Now, wait a second.
Speaker B:I can hear listeners right now thinking, cuddle sites.
Speaker B:Are you crazy?
Speaker B:Tell a trauma survivor to go to a cuddle site.
Speaker B:But let's really break down the strategy here.
Speaker A:Yeah, I know how it sounds, but it's not just about going to get a hug.
Speaker A:It's about the explicit contract of the interaction.
Speaker A:Sarah actually shared a bad experience she had where she went to a cuddle party and a guy there across the line, he tried to get sexual.
Speaker B:And what did she do?
Speaker A:She froze.
Speaker A:She completely fawned.
Speaker A:She didn't call him out or stop him until she had physically left the building.
Speaker B:And see, an experience like that just reinforces her internal narrative that men always win and she is powerless.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:So the strategy with using these sites moving forward is to use them strictly as a training ground for boundaries.
Speaker A:You don't just show up.
Speaker A:You vet the person carefully, you read their reviews, and you state explicitly in your profile before you even meet, I am a trauma survivor practicing boundaries.
Speaker A:I am Here to practice saying, no, I am here to practice safe, non sexual touch.
Speaker B:You basically make them an active ally in your healing process.
Speaker B:You aren't just a passive recipient hoping nothing bad happens.
Speaker B:You are the explicit director of the session.
Speaker A:Yes.
Speaker A:You use the session to intentionally override that freeze response in a totally controlled environment.
Speaker A:If you can practice saying stop or move your hand with a vetted safe stranger who has agreed to those terms, you actively start to rewire that neural pathway in your brain that says, I am powerless.
Speaker B:It's brilliant because it significantly lowers the stakes.
Speaker B:It's not a romantic partner where your heart is on the line.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:It's not a boss where your livelihood is at risk.
Speaker B:It's a straightforward transaction based on crystal clear consent.
Speaker A:Moving on from that, I really wanted to normalize all of this for Sarah.
Speaker A:Because when you're trapped in that trauma vortex, you really think you're the only one experiencing it.
Speaker A:You think you're fundamentally broken.
Speaker B:Yeah.
Speaker B:Isolation is part of the trauma.
Speaker A:So I shared some of my own personal stuff with her.
Speaker B:And I think this is so important to highlight these patterns we get stuck in.
Speaker B:They aren't personal failings.
Speaker B:They are universal mechanisms.
Speaker A:I told her about my recent money panic.
Speaker A:I've been having these severe, debilitating panic attacks about survival and finances.
Speaker A:Waking up in a cold sweat, chest tight.
Speaker A:And as I worked through it, I realized it wasn't even my fear.
Speaker B:This brings in the concept of inherited patterns.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker A:My father was absolutely obsessed with security.
Speaker A:He pushed me relentlessly toward med school because he was terrified of financial instability.
Speaker A:And even though I rebelled against that and I became a coach and a writer instead, I subconsciously tried on his fear pattern during college.
Speaker A:And the crazy thing is, I never really took it off.
Speaker B:It's like a heavy coat you put on because someone told you it was cold outside.
Speaker A:Yeah.
Speaker B:But then you realize 30 years later, you're still walking around wearing a winter parka in the middle of summer.
Speaker A:That's exactly what it felt like.
Speaker A:And the moment I realized, oh, this is just a pattern, the panic vanished.
Speaker A:My bank account didn't miraculously change.
Speaker B:The numbers were exactly the same.
Speaker A:The numbers were identical.
Speaker A:But the sheer panic was gone because I was able to identify it as his coat, not mine.
Speaker B:And Sarah has a very similar parallel with her father, Right?
Speaker A:She does.
Speaker A:Her dad was completely obsessed with his business image, always masking his pain, always needing to look perfectly successful to the outside world.
Speaker A:And Sarah realized she still performs wellness in her job interviews.
Speaker A:She acts incredibly confident and putting together, while internally she is absolutely screaming in terror.
Speaker A:That's her dad's pattern.
Speaker A:She's wearing his coat.
Speaker B:And just like you actively chose to take off that coat of money panic, she can choose to take off the hunted victim coat.
Speaker A:It is a choice.
Speaker A:It's a really hard daily choice, but it is a choice.
Speaker B:We also touched briefly in the session on a pivot happening in your business, which I think is highly relevant here because it shows how we apply these energetic lessons to real everyday life.
Speaker A:Yeah, we had this realization that we were trying to write these four massive books simultaneously and it was just stressing us out, draining our energy.
Speaker A:So we paused them.
Speaker A:We decided to focus on providing immediate help instead, creating short PDF guides to solve very specific problems like how to reconcile with adult children just to generate immediate income and offer immediate relief.
Speaker B:It perfectly aligns with the core mission of this deep dive.
Speaker B:Practical immediate tools always win over abstract theory.
Speaker B:Stop trying to boil the ocean and just solve the problem directly in front of you.
Speaker A:Exactly.
Speaker A:So what does this all mean for you listening right now?
Speaker A:We've covered a lot of heavy ground today.
Speaker B:We really have.
Speaker B:We have explored how to confront the monsters of your past, not by running away or shrinking down, but by fundamentally changing your internal size using the King Kong technique.
Speaker A:We learned that evil and the devil are very often just mental cages constructed by abusers to maintain control over you.
Speaker A:And we we learned the mirror technique, how to return the destructive energy of trauma right back to its original source, not as an act of torture, but as an act of absolute truth.
Speaker B:And finally, we talked about using the body and safe intentional touch to rewire your nervous system and break the freeze response.
Speaker A:If you want additional support for yourself.
Speaker A:If you want to dive deeper into these techniques and actually apply them to your own life, Visit us at whythiskeepshappening.com youm can find the short PDF guides we mentioned right there too.
Speaker B:You can also find us on LinkedIn, Facebook, Instagram, TikTok and YouTube.
Speaker B:We are putting out actionable content everywhere to help you break these generational cycles.
Speaker A:Please subscribe to the podcast so you never miss a deep dive.
Speaker A:And if this resonated with you, if you felt that shift while listening today, please leave us a review.
Speaker A:It really helps others find the show and get the tools they need.
Speaker B:We'll leave you with this final thought to carry with you.
Speaker A:Release the past.
Speaker A:Reclaim your power.
Speaker A:Start now.
